The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint."It was enough to make a
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion.The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?"The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife.""What's he stuffed with,
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag."Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said."We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even lar
Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune! The first day they go fishing, but they don't
A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also inquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies,"Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."The other cow
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted."No bills larger than $20 will be accepted." The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked,"Believe me, if I HAD a
I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right. The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jum
A guy goes to a psychiatrist."Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"The doctor replies: "It's very simple.
A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead."Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked."Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner."But I have a wife and eleven children.""Is th
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously."What's the matter?" grumbled the boss."Haven't you got a sense of humor?""I d
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any g
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes u
The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bund
Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish.One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy as
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to c
First soldier: "Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?"Second soldier: "No way, Jose!"First soldier: "Why-ever not?"Second soldier: "It's against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!"